I'll Be Goddamned.

Sometimes you learn from your mistakes, Tabbies.

When I signed up for this internet shit, I was thinking I paid a little money and I could have the entire internet for as long as I wanted.

Turns out, I have to pay for the complete HORSESHIT EVERY GOD DAMN MONTH. Did you all know about this? How come no one bothered to tell me? I swear. I sometimes wondered why I bothered to even get this godforsaken portal to garbage in the comfort of my apartment.

Then I remember I like downloading pictures of boobs and assaulting other people on the internet who don't know anything.

Yes. I'm a simple man with simple pleasures. Also, I don't like people very much.

Well, as you can surmise, I ended up forking over a little cash to keep this stupid blog page afloat for a while longer. I noticed that people were wondering where I was. Right. Like anyone actually gives a shit and a half what happens to ol' Bill.

Do you? I'm touched.

So, I'll do my best to bring you the latest in Tabernacle news, but I gotta admit, there hasn't been much happening. If I made a list of the big events that happened since I wrote something on here last, you'd probably delete the address thing up top and never come back.

Say...that's not a bad idea.

SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME (BILL TABERNACLE) RECENTLY:

- I read somewhere that having your nutsack shaved is something you've got to try once before you die. Since I thought that type of stuff was reserved for Nancy-boys, I never bothered. Now, I'm a grizzled old man who will stab anyone who looks at me funny, so I tried it. First off, my testicles hang down a good 4-5 inches and look like they're swathed in a turkey neck. It's ugly. Why I thought to even put a razor down there is beyond me. Lo and behold, I nicked my nuts pretty good and bleed like a murdered pig. Also, I got blood on my last good towel. Fuck this.

- Some shitbird asked me for spare change on the street while I was walking to work (Silvia, I miss you more than ever). I told him to go hang himself. If you've read my dumb blog for some time, you'll know I've got no time for the 'homeless.' I think most of these assholes are scam artists, so I don't give them a red cent. Usually when I open my trap, they want to fight and you know me, I'll never back down from a hobo. Or anyone for that matter. I was in the Korean War for crissakes. Turns out the guy was homeless. Later that night I walked by and saw him sleeping under a parkbench next to a fresh pile of dogshit. Good. At least he's honest. Still, I was tempted to kick him.

- I don't mean for every other post to be related to my (or certain people dressed like sandwiches) bowel movements, but have you ever lowered yourself onto the pot and wondered halfway through if you were going to live through the experience? I did. I'm not sure what I ate, but it felt like I was trying to pass a thorny loaf of bread through my shitcutter. Honest to Pete, I thought my swollen o-ring was going to skip past the industrial sized log I fired out to be lost forever down the thunderbucket. Makes me wish I had cancer.

Good night.